I SO Don't Get This

I really don’t get the whole Nadya Suleman thing.

Fourteen kids and no job. She hasn’t worked in like 10 years. Huh? She had all these kids after she became unemployed, so we know right off that she’s financially responsible.  Not.  The good news is, she has a plan.  Yessirree, Nadya’s got her a plan to go back to college and earn her master’s degree in counseling.  Counseling?  There’s a good career choice for someone with her background.  No doubt those eager to apply her words of wisdom to their own lots in life will line up around the block.  Prospective salary for “the plan” is looking good, too:  according to payscale.com, the average starting salary for a family counselor with an MBA is about $40K.  This will ensure that the food stamps continue to flow.  Between those and WIC, the brood will be in fat city.

Speaking of fat city…

I’m just sayin’.

Sorry. 

Really.

Anyway, I’m thinking she might want to stay in school a teensy bit longer and earn a doctorate.  At $52K, the salary outlook is much brighter for a clinical psychologist.  Not only that, those student loans will come in handy when it’s time for a tummy tuck.  She’s no stranger to the plastic surgeon, after all.  The nose turned out well.  The lips?  Not so much.  Angelina Wannabe, party of one!

Now about that part where she hasn’t worked for 10 years.  She collected $165K in workers comp benefits during that time: apparently a desk fell on her while she was working in a psychiatric hospital.  Ha.  You know that’s ironic.  Anyway, the accident caused ostensibly horrific damage to her back resulting in all this free flowing cash which she used to pay for the IVF treatments.  Hmm.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t a back injury of this magnitude preclude one from even considering pregnancy?  I’ve been pregnant 3 times, and the back is the first thing to cry uncle, believe me.  Is that Eau de Fraud I smell, or do I need to change the cat box?  Look for Nadya’s  new fragrance line, due out in spring, at fine stores near you.

If you didn’t see her interview with Ann Curry, you really must.  Nothing warmed the cockles of my tax-paying heart like hearing her say, “Money is necessary to raise children. But it’s – it’s paper. It is paper. To me, it is superfluous in contrast to the importance of my kids.”  Clearly she has some insight into fiscal management that has thusfar escaped our Governator, and Arnie should give her a call without delay.  In the meantime, since she’ll be relying on some of my superflous pieces of paper to raise her little tribe, I’d like to deliver it to her personally. 

Nadya, if you’re reading this, you have my word that I will diligently set aside every piece of superfluous paper that crosses my desk or falls out of my purse, each and every day, just for you.  All I ask in return is that you keep me posted on your success as it pertains to paying the mortgage with crumpled receipts and old gum wrappers.  Deal? 

The audacity of this whole thing offends my sensibilities on so  many levels I can’t begin prioritize their egregiousness.  The word on the street is that she’s signed a book deal:  pardon me while I don’t buy it.  Ditto for skipping the T.V. show she’s rumored to be hunting.  And I’ll be reserving my paypal account for whatever might strike my fancy on Ebay.

Don’t get me wrong:  my heart goes out to those kids.  They, like every other inhabitant of this planet, didn’t ask to be born and may God bless ‘em, every one.